Monday, March 9, 2009

Strange Urge

I haven't been to his grave yet.

I don't know why.
I really don't.

Most of his friend have gone several times, and some at least once a month.  But not me.

Why?  I keep asking myself.

All those yellow leaves are still sitting in my garage. I wanted to take them up, but I haven't yet.  It's not like I haven't had the time, as I have had it.  It's not like I haven't had a ride, because my mom says that she'll drive me up any time that I want to.

Was it that I just wasn't ready?  I think so.  I just felt in my bones that it wasn't the right time to go up there.

And now... suddenly I have this ache inside of me that is puling me towards the cemetery.  Ever since the hair shaving (ok, fine, two days ago), I've felt this overwhelming urge to go.  I need to go.  I need to breathe in the air and sit on the muddy ground above his body.  I don't know if they have to tombstone up yet, and I really don't care.

I miss you.

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